3 Newbie Lessons from a Tantra Workshop

Who DOESN’T love trying new things?

Thats why i decided to just jump in to a full Fri-Sunday Weekend of Tantra called Real Men and Radiant Women with tantric experts extraordinaire, Layla Martin and Herman Ottosson, in NYC.

Here are 3 powerful take-aways from a weekend of embodying pleasure and radiance!


1. That thing you do in the shower or under the covers…it’s not actually called masturbation. It’s called Self Pleasuring – and doesn’t that just sound so.much.better?

Self Pleasuring INCLUDES giving yourself a lil’ special attention (if you know what i’m saying), but its not just about getting off. There’s so much more – like organic sesame oil breast massages, jade egg practices (google it), and creating a practice where you spend time just caressing and touching yourself with no other purpose or destination besides the pleasure of that moment. You could, for example, just put aside a few moments a day to touch yourself the way that makes you feel good – even if its just sensually running your fingers over your face and really feeling your own skin. It brings your face to life and makes you glowy.


2. Radiance is a choice that you can easily tune into any moment.

Your radiance is that magnetic glow that makes man, woman, child and squirrel gravitate towards you because you’re shining from the inside. Tantra shows how cultivating and activating your radiance can be really SIMPLE!

Layla Martin, the women’s tantra coach for the weekend, had us take a few moments to explore what kind of body language (the way you hold your body, the way you move your limbs, how you walk), what kind of breathing (deep, full body or shallow, rapid), and what kind of movement (dance, strut, jiggle) made us feel radiant.

You can make your own lil’ secret formula. Try it out, and in the meantime, here’s mine:

RADIANCE = shoulders are relaxed and back + my heart space is open and free + deep full body breathing + relaxing facial muscles with gentle smile

Now, whenever i want a lil’ radiance boost i just adjust my body accordingly, and presto! Now you try it! 🙂


3. Don’t Hide – for anyone, ever.

What do i mean by that?

Do you ever walk down the street and get attention that makes you feel uncomfortable? Maybe you barely notice it anymore because its such a part of your regular life. But it doesn’t need to be and you can change your autopilot way of dealing with it.

In my tantra group, it seemed like every woman of every age and every size and look had this experience of getting unwanted attention and dimming her glow in order to try and not be seen. For example, this could mean not being able to walk down the street without trying to cave in your chest and surrender your shoulders, bow your head and keep your eyes on the ground – all in order to just be left alone. Seems like it added some lackluster baggage to everyone’s life.

In class we expressed how we normally react in those situations, how we’d normally actually love to react (maybe yell in their face or express our disgust), and how we wish we could act in these situations. The wishes many women expressed were to keep their sense of self, of openness, of radiance and let the cackling commentary just become background noise or run off like water off a ducks back.

It might take some practice, BUT you totally can stay radiant in the face of anyone or anything they say.  Allow yourself to improve rather than expecting perfection. You don’t have to get stern, hard, piercingly sarcastic or cave your shoulders in to make yourself small. You can be your whole self – have your raw, vegan, gluten free cake and eat it too.

An important distinction is not WHAT you do, like have an orgasm, but HOW  you do it, like with oils and incense and music and love vibrations vs in under 30 seconds as you’re rushing and late for work.

Verdict: The HOW of life matters in Tantra.
What is one defiant act of radical radiance you can make TODAY in under 20 minutes? And what’s stopping you from actually doing it?

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